Over the last 3 days there has been a lot of discussion about the future, when we will have a baby, what I will do for a living, where we will live. There is always talk about the future and although it can be daunting, we agreed that once Master finds out what is salary will become in 2 months time ( once he gets taken on by his company from the recruitment agency ) I should be ok to come off the pill, and start trying for a baby! : )
The most important aspect of my life at the moment is my relationship with my Master as I only feel I can flourish as a person in this dynamic. Although deep down I know it is who we are and it will never disappear there is a fear of failure. I feel very safe being a 'slave' and I dont want it to ever go.
After discussing my progress on Friday night ( in the sun with a nice glass of wine : ) ... I can be a spoilt slave at times.. ha ha ) Master says I am doing very well but we agreed I need to increase my exercise levels and also he is concerned about processed foods in his diet. I feel we eat quite healthy,all meals are made from scratch, however I use processed ham in his sandwiches. I have brought chicken breasts, salad, wholemeal wraps and organic sugar free mayonnaise,so with a bit more effort that should work better for him.
Master took me for lunch yesterday at this really nice gastro pub near us, and I chose a really nice homemade burger with salad, mushrooms and all kinds of things inside! I wouldn't typically choose this as its quite messy! I have never been good at eating in public. Years ago I used to get very bad panic attacks, and as the pub was quite busy I could feel one coming on just from trying to eat 'messy food'. I really do care what people think far too much, and it sparked an interesting conversation about how I feel I am beneath people at times, and how master clearly doesn't give a shit what people think. The conclusion was that its ok to be that personality type with Master, I dont always have to 'pretend' and be strong.
The reality of the situation was I dealt with the panic attack quickly, I actually eat in public now! and I am generally far happier and more confident than I was.
I have been trying to find more girls in an M/s relationship to chat to on my Fetlife, the social networking site. Should anyone be reading this who is new to the scene, joining Fetlife! its like fetish facebook but is great for finding out about your local scene. However there are far more 'slaves' in the US so if there are any UK slaves reading my blog send me a message and say hi, and of course any others too are also welcome.
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